I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
