maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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