State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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