the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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