Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
