I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
