you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want nice things and good sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
