You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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