chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My hand turned me down
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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