Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it hurts more in the daytime
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
