i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
