Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
