You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
