The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
