Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
