just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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