how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
