Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
These tits shall not be calmed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
