rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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