Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
