You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
