Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
