I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
