For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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