Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
