Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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