Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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