i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
