he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
