i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
