Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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