Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
