is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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