I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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