I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
