You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
