I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
