Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
