all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
