he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
