If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
