I think my fart just growled at me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
