I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
