Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
