Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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