I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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