Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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