She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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