didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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