o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
