Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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