They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
