someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
