I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
