im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm like, not good at living.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
