she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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