I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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